It was 3… starting, ending or both!

It took a while to get together, to have the guts to apply upon myself the proverbial self-“kick in the but”, grow up once more and write these thoughts.
Let me tell you about some interesting numbers:

19 05 2006 20 05 2006 21 05 2006 22 05 2006 24 05 2006

The first 3 pairs represent my last official experience as a member of AIESEC in Sibiu. 3 days away from my thoughts, close to the place of one of my best memories- Moasei Valley, where I walked the way but not reached the same place as expected, where I felt... more than I bargained for; Sibiu Motivation Seminar 2006 and me: frustrated, happy, anxious, nostalgic, nervous, indifferent, amazed and fulfilled… my memories, our memories, others’ memories...




The to-to part... This was my best friend’s birthday, my graduation ceremony and my glimpse to happiness if the world was mine and I would be the puppeteer...
Roxi turned 23... for me it got strange; I was reminded that there are certain things that she or I, no matter how good friends we are, can never experience in the same time... it’s revolting and unfair... “WHY CAN I NOT KEEP HER?, asked the selfish girl?”
She is the one who has seen me at my best and at my worse; she was there to smile with me, to cry with me, to scream with me, to get confused, frustrated, dead bit of tiredness with me... never thought I will end up like this... hooked up on a person...a curly one! :o)
When was the last time you opened your eyes in the morning wondering what s/he is dreaming about? If s/he dreamt sunny thoughts or cloudy thoughts? Giving away your last piece of chocolate or cutting it in 2 halves although it is as tiny as a seed? Saying “Yes” without blinking no matter the costs... this is my best friend and I...
I will miss her 23rd year... and she will miss the last half of my 22nd year and the first part of the next one... how will I see if she is happy in the morning or upset in the night, when my day will be her night and my night will be her day? It is strange, still... the way we choose people to become our friends, the way they let us become their friends and the way friends live their lives close or far with the hope that all will stay the same... Happy B-day, Rox!



Is it ending or is it beginning... my life, I mean? I graduated... finished my student years... MAN!!! That’s mind blowing and a bit awkward!
As it happened for the last 4 student years, this day, too, came on the run for me... little time to prepare or to think about... I got up with the notion of “Who cares? I am not the first or the last”... My parents came, more tinkled by the idea than me. My mom smiling and my father in a good mood, as well, trying to live up to the “official” feelings that a parent should have in such a time.
We got there, received my robe and funny hat, listened to a long row of people talking, admired shoes of all types, made funny faces with Alex, waved at my parents and friends and heard my name said in a loud voice... “Miruna Nichita”! That was it... that was the moment when the door... closed and opened in the same time... closed a journey of four years in a glimpse; turned in memories the “good old years in Sibiu”, created false poetry out of my day to day miseries and happiness and yellowish album-like images out of my ordinary places.... opened the rest of my life, the glorious future that has nor face, nor shape; it has only billions and billions of caterpillars squirming around facing the front... I wonder which of them or how many of them will reach maturity... I wonder how my butterflies will see me through... but I am still on the threshold looking out and the sun is up in my face warming me and blinding me, all together.



The “park theme” Miruna the puppeteer master happened like a blow to the head. I have been trying to get to the forbidden fruit for the past year... and guess what? I haven’t managed to eat it! DARN! Only bits and pieces fell down the tree, deceiving me about the luxurious possibilities... they were never true... the bits and pieces were of plastic... because the TREE decided as such! I was protected of the rain and cold wind against my will... when the only thing I wanted was to understand the weight of the rain drops on my skin, to feel the wind on my cheeks, to get tangled between the branches and scream my happiness and my pain, fulfilled that I am allowed to feel and not to hide in its shadow.
Well, faith gambled on two numbers... the 22nd and the 24th... two days, unexpected, crazy, full, passionate, awaiting for the final blow with uncaring want... they shattered all and shattered nothing, they spoke much and they were silent... they were and I guess that is what counts!
Thank the Tree!... for letting me see the rain run down on me and the wind blowing in my face! Thank you for the 22nd and the 24th.
Lucky gamble or aching gamble!